After years of living overseas, I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly tourist. I can recognize the country of origin of each group of tourists I encounter. For instance, the noisy ones wearing bright white clunky tennis shoes are Americans, while the Germans wear socks with sandals and floppy hats, and of course, the Japanese tour groups have fancy cameras hanging around their necks.
I’ll be joining the European tourists next week, so my blog posts for May will focus on my travels in Europe, specifically in the Balkans. I’ll give some travel tips, review my first-time trip on a new (to me) airline, and spotlight my favorite place in Greece. Also, there may be a few pictures of my grandchildren, as the primary purpose of my trip is to visit them. And their parents.
And to take pictures. Lots of pictures. Pictures of grandkids!
While living in Europe, I’ve observed all types of American tourists. Here’s a few of their identifying characteristics.
THE BAD
• A group of American tourists SHOUTING to each other about the score of last night’s NBA championship in a crowded, mostly silent bus.
• Glaring white tennis shoes, the big clunky kind you wear to play sports.
• Expecting decaffeinated coffee. It is okay to ask for it, just don’t expect it, or throw a tantrum if it isn’t available.
• Wearing a big expensive camera on a strap around your neck. You are a walking advertisement for pickpockets.
• Only eating at McDonald’s, TGI Friday’s and other recognizable restaurants because you are afraid of local food.
• Complaining about the lack of air-conditioning and other conveniences. You are in Europe – it’s quaint!
THE UGLY
• Using your pocketknife to dig a hunk of marble out of the wall at the Acropolis to take home as a souvenir.
• Making uncomplimentary comments about a country/culture in English and assuming no one can understand you.
• Trying to make a non-English speaker understand you by yelling louder and louder.
• Wearing shorts and baseball hats into a church, the Vatican, or a monastery.
• Feigning an asthma attack when a whiff of cigarette smoke drifts your way. It’s a fact of life, Europeans smoke. A lot.
THE GOOD
• Being observant of how people behave in the culture you are visiting, and adjusting your behavior accordingly. If no one on the bus is talking or making noise, do the same.
• Enjoying the local food. Ask the waiter for his recommendation and try it. You didn’t travel 3,000 miles to experience McDonald’s. Be adventurous; try something new.
• Dressing comfortably, but not sloppily. Most Europeans tend to wear dressier clothes than we typically do in America. Bring comfortable walking shoes. Your feet will thank you.
• Realizing that just because customs and people in your host country are different doesn’t mean they are wrong. Often there are reasonable explanations for their traditions and behaviors.
• Researching ahead of time about tipping, whether haggling over prices in the marketplace is acceptable, and the location of the nude beaches (so you can avoid them, of course!)
• Learning a few words of the local language. If you make even a small effort, the locals will appreciate it.
I could write an endless list of tourist mistakes. My theory is if you are polite, try to learn about the culture, enjoy the food and people of the country, and attempt to fit in to some degree, you will have a great time in Europe.
There is only one exception to the “fit in” rule if you are with me. Please, PLEASE – don’t wear Speedos at the beach. In my experience, most guys who have the body to wear Speedos, don’t. Most guys who don’t have the body to wear Speedos, do.
Please, just don’t if you are with me.
If you do, I’ll be hiding behind my beach umbrella and pretending I don’t know you.
