I can’t believe I’m getting ready to type these words: Anchorage hit 90 degrees for the first time in recorded history.

I know, all you Southerners are laughing at my supposed discomfort. But it’s HOT, HOT, HOT! This is a piece of Alaskan history I’d just as soon miss.

I used to brag that I could wear light-weight long sleeves all summer in Alaska. That’s because the average temps are in the 60s. It’s a heatwave if it hits 70 degrees. At 80 degrees, we think we are dying.

Many years ago, cars sold in Alaska rarely included air-conditioning. I remember the first time we drove our vehicle “outside” (the lower 48 states), we stopped for gas in Bakersfield, California, and managed to lock our keys in the car. It was 100+ degrees outside, and there we stood on the hot pavement, brains frying as we tried to unlock the door with a bent hanger. Well, I can assure you my armpits had a workout that day. By the end of that ordeal, my armpits were dehydrated. No sweat left. We stopped to have air-conditioning installed in the car the next day.

Nowadays, cars sold in Alaska come with air-conditioning. Most stores and businesses are air-conditioned. Unfortunately, our homes do not have A/C. Generally, the Alaskan version of air-conditioning involves opening all the doors and windows.

But not this year.

As usual, I’m a little slow when it comes to change. I kept thinking this heatwave would quickly pass, and I wouldn’t need to buy a fan. I had one little personal-sized fan and figured that would suffice. Well, the stores were sold out of fans by the time I decided I needed another fan or two (or three or four.) I mean, empty shelves. You couldn’t buy a fan in this town. Or any other city in a 50-mile radius.

Of course, crazy fan-deficient me, I decided to make three batches of jam in the middle of our heatwave. I gathered my recently harvested rhubarb and strawberries and began the jam-making process.

If you’ve never made jam, basically it involves standing over a blazing hot stove, stirring bubbling pots, while your make-up melts off your face. After completing the second batch of jam, the sweat was streaming. I looked at the remaining pile of rhubarb and realized I needed to cool off before attacking the last batch. My house may not have a/c, but my car does!  I jumped in the car and drove around the neighborhood with the air on the coldest setting. So cold, I could practically drink it. Sweet relief.

While I was out, I decided to go pick up some things at Target. I wandered through the frozen food section and randomly opened freezer doors and stuck my head in, pretending I needed a closer examination of the frozen vegetables. Trying to read the fine print may have required the bag to touch my forehead and possibly resulted in a partially thawed bag of peas.

Leaving Target behind, I drove to the gas station to buy the biggest Big Gulp I could find. I felt if I cooled down my insides, my outsides might follow suit. Clutching my ice-cold Diet Coke, I headed over to the grocery store, where I strolled through the produce section, leaning in close when the water misters turned on. A mini splash pad experience shared with organic veggies.

Next, I drove through McDonald’s for a soft-serve ice cream cone. Finally, I felt revived and ready to finish that third batch of jam. After completing this sticky chore, I resolved that future jam making would only occur when the temps were in the 60s. Low 60s.

As a result of this heatwave, I’ve decided that Alaskans should adopt the Greek tradition of “mesimeri.” When I lived in Greece, I discovered that Greeks take a nap, or have a quiet time, from 2:00 – 5:00 ish during the hottest part of the day. I scoffed at the idea of wasting time on a nap. But one sweltering afternoon, I stretched out on the couch, with a fan blowing on my face, and woke up an hour (or two) later, drooling and ready to face the rest of the day.

So all my hot-climate friends, quit laughing at my heat-induced tales, and bask in the blessed coolness of your air-conditioned home.

Just don’t call me during my “mesimeri.”