Nostalgia. The past two weeks I’ve suffered from nostalgia. My mind keeps wandering back to previous years, some good, some bad.

This sudden thirst for the past was sparked by the recent death of my youngest brother, Scott, and a visit with my mother, who suffers from dementia. Daydreaming about the ‘good ole days’ consumes my thoughts.

I long to return to my childhood. When everything seemed right in the world, at least in the eyes of a child.

Those days of childhood freedom. We left the house in the morning to play with friends on our block, and our Mom didn’t worry about us. She knew we were safe and would return in plenty of time for dinner. We were never late for food.

My two younger brothers.  I remember coming into my bedroom one day and finding a heap of decapitated Barbie dolls on the floor. I ran outside and discovered both of my brothers, fishing rods in hand with Barbie doll heads attached to the fishing line as weights, practicing their casting.

Of course, there is the iconic Christmas photo from my childhood. My brothers are standing on each side of me, proudly waving their new toy bazooka guns, wearing army helmets with a pup tent in the background. I’m holding a Barbie doll with tears running down my face. I wanted a bazooka. I should have traded Barbie heads for a toy gun.

Memories of my mom. The Christmas my father gave her the world’s ugliest pantsuit. A horrible avocado green jacket with brown and gold plaid pants. Goodness, we tried not to laugh. My mom exchanged the outfit the next day. Fortunately, my Dad’s tastes improved with age.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines nostalgia as “a feeling of pleasure and sometimes slight sadness at the same time as you think about things that happened in the past.”

I’ve always considered nostalgia as a positive emotion. A lingering sentimentality and longing to return to a happier time in our life. On the flip side, nostalgia can become a negative emotion. If we live our life obsessed with the past, we will be ineffective in the present and unable to move forward.

In the Bible, Paul addressed our longing to look back. He said, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14 NIV)

It is such a better use of our time to look forward, to the hope of the future. We have a “living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you.” (1 Peter 1:3-4, NIV)

In a few days, my family will gather for a memorial service for my brother. For this moment in time, I’ll allow myself time for nostalgia. Family and friends will tell stories, laugh, cry, grieve, and look back at my brother’s life.

But soon, it will be time to set aside my nostalgic thoughts, and engage in the present and look forward to the hope of the future.

I will miss my brother. He lived life large and struggled in later years with life’s challenges. But in a text shortly before his death, he told me that Jesus had never let him down. I will move forward in the hope that Scott found peace in Jesus’ arms.

And because you aren’t here to stop me, Scott – here’s a couple of my favorite pictures of you.

 

This expression followed Scott into adulthood.  When I saw this expression – I knew mischief was brewing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

My most favorite photo of all! Future gunslinger having a small problem with his diaper!